{"id":143,"date":"2015-09-09T11:16:44","date_gmt":"2015-09-09T10:16:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/79.170.40.241\/lgrevel.org\/?page_id=143"},"modified":"2020-01-01T23:03:10","modified_gmt":"2020-01-01T23:03:10","slug":"performances","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/lgrevel.org\/?page_id=143","title":{"rendered":"Performances"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/span>
Performance Pieces<\/span><\/p>\n

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\"paris-636263_1280\"<\/p>\n

Joan of Texarkana<\/span><\/h2>\n

*My name is Joan Ann Stickybolt and I\u2019m on a mission.\u00a0 I learned my mission in Jesus visions where I\u2019m Joan of Arc and I\u2019m trying to end racial strife in my hometown.\u00a0 The scary thing about these visions is I always get burned alive.\u00a0 But I\u2019m starting to like burnin\u2019.\u00a0 Because according to our Baptist preacher\u2014my sins are forgiven each time.\u00a0 Which brings me to my first vision:<\/p>\n

At a Baptist social at the Texarkana High School gym, I was standing along the wall . . .<\/p>\n

*Use Texas accent<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>

\"tomato-877019_1280\"<\/p>\n

In Defense of Tomatoes<\/span><\/h2>\n

*In defense of tomatoes\u2014yes, tomatoes\u2014I must say I have always been suspicious of people who disliked them.\u00a0 Recently, I have even heard new-age, macrobiotic food cultists label this innocent a vicious nightshade, and proclaim that it should NEVER be eaten.<\/p>\n

To such vacuous, venomous, vicariously vindictive, vegetable nay-sayers, I say PHOOEY!\u00a0 Why would God or anybody else create a plump, juicy little, titian-colored, sunny tasting, bite-sized to portion-sized, echo of summer time, and not<\/em> mean for people to eat it?<\/p>\n

*Use American, deep South accent.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>

<\/span>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a0Expecting Company<\/span><\/h2>\n

My husband and I became pregnant at the same time.\u00a0 I first suspected his condition when he started leaving the top button of his pants unbuttoned.\u00a0 He complained, \u201cThey\u2019re getting too tight.\u201d\u00a0 He first suspected my condition when I, the ever determined night owl, began going to bed very early.\u00a0 For a whole week I did this.\u00a0 Finally, my husband looked at me and said, \u201cI wonder why you\u2019re so tired?\u201d and his brows rose suggestively.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>

<\/span>\"\"<\/p>\n

One Step At a Time<\/span><\/h2>\n

\u201cI will stop measuring,\u201d the woman panted, as she tried to run for the first time in a long time, slowly, down an oak-lined unpaved road, each foot searching tentatively for solid ground.\u00a0 And on this new day in this new country, she was passing between a brick house on one side and a farm meadow on the other, while in the distance ahead on the right, was the small\u00a0hill, the Iveshead Formation, that used to be a sacred place of an early English tribe.<\/p>\n

First, I will pass that hill, she thought, calculating the distance.\u00a0 Then corrected herself:\u00a0\u00a0 Doesn\u2019t matter how far.\u00a0 I\u2019m ancient at only 46.\u00a0 This is my last chance. <\/em><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>

Turning 40 at a Tupperware Party<\/h2>\n

It is strange to be 39 years old and afraid to attend a Tupperware party alone. But that is what happened. You see, I had left my Texas homeland and moved to rural Austria. So there I was at a Tupper party having brought my husband and children with me so I would not cry. The problem, you know, was the language. The natives think they speak German--they actually speak a dialect called M\u00fchlviertlerisch. I speak neither.<\/p>\n

I sit surrounded by women who say \u201cDrausen . . . drausen lausen jausen.\u201d I nod companionably, the sort of feminist who is repulsed yet eager to be included in this international Hausfrau\u2019s female-bonding ritual, especially at the mystical yet despised, sexy yet not-always-publically-admitted, fortieth turning point. I take a plate with cake.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>

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\"DSC_0014\"<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Performance Pieces Joan of Texarkana *My name is Joan Ann Stickybolt and I\u2019m on a mission.\u00a0 I learned my mission in Jesus visions where I\u2019m Joan of Arc and I\u2019m trying to end racial strife in my hometown.\u00a0 The scary thing about these visions is I always get burned alive.\u00a0 But I\u2019m starting to like Read More …<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"full-width-page.php","meta":{"footnotes":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lgrevel.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/143"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lgrevel.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lgrevel.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lgrevel.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lgrevel.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=143"}],"version-history":[{"count":47,"href":"http:\/\/lgrevel.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/143\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":382,"href":"http:\/\/lgrevel.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/143\/revisions\/382"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lgrevel.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=143"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}